Watching a Sunrise

I woke up this morning, still tired from the week's rendezvous of racing and training non stop. My legs quiver like Annie's noodles boiling in a pot on a Sunday afternoon. I look up at my ceiling and watch the fingers of the sun play on my ceiling a symphony of morning. I shift my weight to the left and attempt to rediscover darkness under my sheets. I fail as I notice my mind wandering off onto a trail of the day's tasks and thoughts. I reluctantly perch myself up and dangle my limbs over the edge of the bed frame, jump. I go to the window and remove the curtain from the window to the outside world. The fire come roaring into my eyes, burning my senses as I take in the raging light like a dam releasing a winter's snow into a spring. I can feel the warmth from the warm window that is now blowing like it is April on this February morning in Stratton, VT. My eyes take in the white tundra around me, the crystals set ablaze by the ball of fire over head that is burning holes in the white canvas. My gaze is pulled to the left and there you are. Sitting there, alone but happy as ever, just watching. You are watching the trees blow, seeing the leafless limbs flirt with the wind. You are rolling perfect spheres of snow in your hands and then watching them melt in your palms. I can feel your breath from my window, I can feel you looking at me, I feel you so close, I know you are close. I close the blinds. I cannot handle the emotions now overtaking me. I return to the darkness of my room and I get my mind off of you. I am sorry, I should embrace you, embrace the knowledge I now have of your proximity of existence, but I know it is in my head. Because those somber ashes are only dust and back in the peace of my mind I remain; knowing that you are free. I remind myself you are everywhere, in everything, free in the ether above me, able to do whatever, limitless. It is self fish of me to trap your memory here on campus. So once again I am letting you go. I... I love you.